We are wonderfull creatures.We just sometimes forget it.
I hate the typical conversations.The safe conversations.
About the weather,astrology,gossip.
I love being surprised by humans.People I didn't expect to think in this way.Saying clever things.
Sometimes I feel I'm fulled of love for everyone.And I wanna take care of everyone.
Find out what people think.Their fears.Their dreams.What they thing before they fall asleep.
How can we talk about all these typical things,which reveal so few characteristics of a person,when we have a whole universe in front of us,waiting to be discovered and loved?

I'm an orc

TThere are times I feel I've forgotten how to behave.
I'm like an awkward orc.
I wasn't like that.
Can't remember when I started feeling it.
Weird,huh?

Handmade skirt

OK.Time to show off once again.I post these pictures firstly because I've got to post my pictures,otherwise I feel guilty,so I'm sorry for the low quality.They were taken by my laptop camera.
The other reason why is that Magda asked me a long time ago to post something I made with my sewing machine.
All I'm doing these days is eating,running,going out and watching movies which is appropriate for holidays,but it also means I will end up studying tons of homework the last minute like I always do.
My room is shitty and my mum is always telling me to tidy it up,but I answer to her that my psychologist says I need a creative chaos around me (which is actually a line from the Stepford Wives).
I went out with my family yesterday and we spent a couple of hours together.I barely see them everyday with school etc,which makes me realise I'm becoming less attached to them everyday,and I think I'm ready to move out next year in my own house.In the meanwhile,I'm just dreaming of it.
Don't know why I'm saying all these stuff today.The truth is I woke up this evening wanting to say even more but I forgot them.Never mind.I'll come up with something else next time.
See you soon.Pinky promise.(Despicable Me.Remember?)

Please sunshine come to me.

It's been about a month since I last took a picture with my dslr camera and I guess I won't have it fixed before the easter holidays end.

I feel like scuba diving and camping but the weather doesn't do me the favour.
I'm craving for a sunny day.
Musty loves.
Be careful when you watch love movies.
You might fall in love with the first one you come across,in order to fill the gap they created in you.
But don't pay attention to what I say.I could give you thousands of advice.
Like brush your teeth before you go to sleep,or always use gloves when you're opening the oven,or don't forget to feed the cat,or never go out of the house without your keys,or never take the bus without a ticket,or always wear socks,otherwise your feet will stink etc.

But if you really want to listen to me.Keep in mind only one thing:
Asking yourself "So what?".

Fish and chips?No thank you.

And everybody thinks  they can see me.
But I'm invisible.
And everybody thinks they know.
But the obvious doesn't let them see what I never hid.
And don't listen to me that I shout.
I shout,cause I don't feel pain.
And I'm the sea.
And the circumstances,the relationships,my fish.
Which swim across me.
But they can't change my shape.They can't touch me.
And I'm begging you quietly to shoot me.
Hoping you'll open two holes in my water.
To fit 2 mL of emotions.
And I'm shouting at you "shoot me".
And you keep wetting your feet in me.
How fool I was to believe you could make me overflow.
You better stay at the beach to keep licking your legs.
Cause if you were coming deeper,I would drown you out.
That's why I'm thinking of leaving.
I'm going to splash on the rocks with rush.
That's what I wanted,I told you.To feel pain.

I can't smell anything else but your scent on my clothes.Even on my lips.I only feel your taste.
That's why I decided to start running again.Literally this time.
To spend a couple of hours with me.To recognise what I see in the mirror.
That was when I realised you don't need to be single to feel solitude.
That was when I realised I don't really live these days.I'm in coma.
I remembered how important it is for me to feel.
I remembered reading somewhere that how you spend your days is how you spend your life.

Thank you for making me pissed off.

Thank you for making me jealous.

Thank you for making me afraid of losing you.

Thank you for taking the remote control of my mood in your hands.

Thank you for making me feel.

Reservations

I'm standing on my bed.

Ι open my arms.

I dive in the air of the room.

The ceiling opens like a can.

I can see the sky now.

I fly outside and the light of the sun blinds me.

I swim in the blue sky.

I'm coming to pick you up.

Get ready.I don't like to wait.

I'll take you out today.

I made a reservation.

The world is waiting for us to discover it.

About loneliness and solitude

There's a difference between loneliness and solitude.
Loneliness is feeling that something is missing.
Solitude is being alone and enjoying it.
Peace of mind,inner search,refreshing yourself.


Solitude is something you choose. Loneliness is imposed on you by others.


So don't be afraid of being alone,little creature of mine.Don't be afraid of silence,of facing yourself. 
You can run away for ever if you want.But you'll have to be deaf.Not to listen to yourself breathing.
But remember.After remaining in the dark for more than 3 minutes,everything seem less frightening.
Your eyes adjsust to the dark.

My baby,my camera is not working.
And my relationship with mum is not working.
And  my emotions are not really working.
I'm not working for sure.
Maybe some sunbathing could fix me.Or not.
Don't care.Some sunbathing is all I want right now.

About growing old and peeing in the sea

Sick as I was I stayed at home today.My mum stayed at home too.She was worried.
Not about me.About our cat.
He doesn't feel very well these days.
Grandma came too.
She is not that good either.
And we were sitting,three generations of women together.
Me,my mum,my grandma.And my cat.
Grandma and the cat were sitting,with distant eyes,in silence.
Mum was preparing tea for both of us.
Grandma was staring at me for a while,but I wasn't sure she was actually looking at me.
I wish I knew what was going on in her head.
But she's semi-deaf and my throat hearts when I speak.
Mum told me she wishes she'll never be in my grandmas' condition.
My mother acts as if she were her mother's mother.
And the weather was perfect outside.
And I was thinking about the other day.
How we both didn't admit what we really feel.
Like peeing in the sea.
No one admits it.
But I don't believe there's a single one who has never done it.
Personally,I love it.
My mum is growing older.
But you know what they say.
We don't stop playing because we grow old;we grow old because we stop playing.

Now that we're open up,

are you sure you wanna come in?

She turned to see.
I instantly hid what I was writing with my fingers.
She barged into my personal space.
She looked inside.
She saw me naked.
Exposed.
If I open up to people?
I open up to those who are willing to tame me.

“To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world.…”

-The little prince

The weather was better today.
Too much drama.

I was a heavy heart to carry

I'm filled with disgust for myself these days.
Even now.
That I talk about me again.
Me,me,me.
Like I am the center of the universe.
And there's no place in this universe where I can hide from myself.
Myself is haunting me.
And I want to stop talking for a while.
Just to hear.
Maybe then,in the silence,myself will come closer to me.
And whisper in my ears what he wants me to do.
And I write and write and write,but I always erase it.
'Cause everything I write,irritates me.
Spring come to me,please.