About loneliness and solitude

There's a difference between loneliness and solitude.
Loneliness is feeling that something is missing.
Solitude is being alone and enjoying it.
Peace of mind,inner search,refreshing yourself.


Solitude is something you choose. Loneliness is imposed on you by others.


So don't be afraid of being alone,little creature of mine.Don't be afraid of silence,of facing yourself. 
You can run away for ever if you want.But you'll have to be deaf.Not to listen to yourself breathing.
But remember.After remaining in the dark for more than 3 minutes,everything seem less frightening.
Your eyes adjsust to the dark.

My baby,my camera is not working.
And my relationship with mum is not working.
And  my emotions are not really working.
I'm not working for sure.
Maybe some sunbathing could fix me.Or not.
Don't care.Some sunbathing is all I want right now.

About growing old and peeing in the sea

Sick as I was I stayed at home today.My mum stayed at home too.She was worried.
Not about me.About our cat.
He doesn't feel very well these days.
Grandma came too.
She is not that good either.
And we were sitting,three generations of women together.
Me,my mum,my grandma.And my cat.
Grandma and the cat were sitting,with distant eyes,in silence.
Mum was preparing tea for both of us.
Grandma was staring at me for a while,but I wasn't sure she was actually looking at me.
I wish I knew what was going on in her head.
But she's semi-deaf and my throat hearts when I speak.
Mum told me she wishes she'll never be in my grandmas' condition.
My mother acts as if she were her mother's mother.
And the weather was perfect outside.
And I was thinking about the other day.
How we both didn't admit what we really feel.
Like peeing in the sea.
No one admits it.
But I don't believe there's a single one who has never done it.
Personally,I love it.
My mum is growing older.
But you know what they say.
We don't stop playing because we grow old;we grow old because we stop playing.

Now that we're open up,

are you sure you wanna come in?

She turned to see.
I instantly hid what I was writing with my fingers.
She barged into my personal space.
She looked inside.
She saw me naked.
Exposed.
If I open up to people?
I open up to those who are willing to tame me.

“To me, you are still nothing more than a little boy who is just like a hundred thousand other little boys. And I have no need of you. And you, on your part, have no need of me. To you, I am nothing more than a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But if you tame me, then we shall need each other. To me, you will be unique in all the world. To you, I shall be unique in all the world.…”

-The little prince

The weather was better today.
Too much drama.

I was a heavy heart to carry

I'm filled with disgust for myself these days.
Even now.
That I talk about me again.
Me,me,me.
Like I am the center of the universe.
And there's no place in this universe where I can hide from myself.
Myself is haunting me.
And I want to stop talking for a while.
Just to hear.
Maybe then,in the silence,myself will come closer to me.
And whisper in my ears what he wants me to do.
And I write and write and write,but I always erase it.
'Cause everything I write,irritates me.
Spring come to me,please.